The Diary of Jane – Chapter 14: The lines that shouldn’t be crossed

#fangirl, #fanboy #stalker…whatever you want to call it, when the simple #fan isn’t saying enough, when it has just gone a few steps too far.

When you’re willing to travel all over the world for a band you love…and not stopping there, but instead taking the extra steps to actually meet them. And maybe you do get to talk to them in person, and maybe they are just simply so amazing and loveable and you truly connect.
And something beautiful grows, and you start keeping in touch.
And maybe you end up with new really nice friends because even though they are people you admire, they are just that – people.

And at this point it’s all perfectly fine, because there is respect and love.

But what happens when that love goes wrong…?
When you don’t know where to draw the line, and you start crossing it.
When that love becomes an obsession.

When you are liking and commenting every single thing they post on social media and sending them private messages day in and day out.
And you follow the classic #fangirl pattern, that in most cases look the same, as a friend of mine once said.
They see him in some (band related) situation.
That is followed up with thorough research – and in that process finding a picture that speaks to them, often a shirtless one.
In comes obsession, and start of constant direct messages, which are from the beginning politely answered with a ”thank you”.
But that’s not enough, the politeness creates frustration and triggers more and more messages, more obsession, anger, tears and then the ”who do you think you are?” telling him he is not that special, that they don’t care.
And still care enough to continue reading his posts, and sometimes post shit about him, to prove their point.
Right…

And in some cases, stepping up the obsession with finding out where someone lives.
When they look out the window and suddenly someone is standing there, or might even knock on the door.
Managing to get hold of their phone number and start calling them at all hours,..

That is just freaky, and makes it hard for the fans that are just – fans. The genuine ones.

And speaking of freaky….this thing with male followers stalking their favourite singers, and other girls they see online.
Oh yes, of course I mean the unwanted dickpics.

Seriously, what is the point of this behaviour?
What makes someone send a photo of his dick to someone he doesn’t know?
Or videos, or offering someone money for who knows what…

This just happened to a friend of mine, simply because she started a metal blogg a while ago (https://baramassavrol.blogg.se/) – and therefore became more visual/available.
And is now ”enjoying” her share of said pics, after accepting some friend requests that she in hindsight shouldn’t have.
But how could she have known?

And it’s not like she is the only one.
This is happening ALL the time, to lots of women.
And still we don’t really talk about it…as if we might be embarrassed and ashamed or something…?
It’s those men that are the ones being disrespectful.
They are the ones fucking up, ruining for those nice guys that ARE still out there.
But who can you trust?

And this is why I absolutely LOVE this singer in the video below.
She got sick and tired of those constant pics after a while – so she started outing the men.
With creativity, of course – so the posts were allowed to stay online.
Like when she posted about a guy wanting to pay her to record a lesbian porno video… or the guy wishing to give her 10.000 euros to marry him and writing her nonstop for ages and not understanding the word NO or why she was upset. What a troll.

And now I am getting really angry and tired of this bullshit, so I will stop.
But – I wonder how it can be so hard to simply be respectful?